Wherein I discover that a "G" rating is entirely too vague.

In celebration of the twins' fourth birthday, we took the kids to see the new Veggie movie.

You'd think that surely that would be safe to show your toddlers.

It's made by Christians, and it's rated G, for crying out loud. And nothing gets a G rating. Aren't most Pixar animations PG for some reason or other?

So we took our toddlers.

We were all very excited as we sat down in the theater. The wuggies were rather loud in joyous exultation at the prospect of watching a movie about pillaging vegetables, but then again, so was the rest of the audience--the place was packed out with toddlers and their accompanying adults.

It started out just fine. But then the part with the actual pirates came in.

Why, why, why didn't I have the sense to realize that I pirate movie could not possibly be toddler appropriate, no matter who made it?

Was the movie good? Was it funny? I have no idea. I (and nearly every other adult in the audience) spent the whole show trying to calm down a panic-struck child, whose precious heart was fluttering against my arms like a trapped bird. I waited far to long to take him out, because at every instant I was sure that the tension was just about to break, he could see it resolve and just be funny. Except that then they would start spinning down a drain, or giant rock-monsters would suddenly appear.

It was an utter fiasco, and we were far from alone in our mistake. The whole theater was full of whimpering, hyperventilating children.

You know, I really think that the rating system needs a new category--PG-3. Squeaking clean and entirely suitable for all person who understand that the evil pirate isn't really going to slice the cucumber. Or something like that.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

ohmigosh!!! Now maybe I won't see it. I have sensitivity to violence, but violence to my value-preaching vegetables?!!

good to be reading you again, Elena. (my fault, not yours..)